|
She was of Dutch decent, having beautiful blonde hair, crystal blue eyes, fair skin and a great body. I pursued her relentlessly until I finally won her over. I fell head over heals; infatuated with the idea that this was the girl I would marry. Finally things in my life were falling into the resemblance of the ideal life.
But I soon realized that if these dreams were to become a reality it would take more than being a fry cook to make it happen. Restricted by age and education, opportunity and transportation I was unable to achieve the financial needs to fulfill my dreams. The dark clouds of life seemed to hang heavily over me once again. I desperately tried to figure out how to get from point (A )being childhood to point (B) being adulthood.
It seemed as if the Grand Canyon was between the two points. Now life was even more frustrating, I could see, touch and feel what I wanted but had not the means to put it all together. Then I met up with a friend of mine that had joined the Marine Corp and through my conversation with him I concluded that perhaps this might be the way for me to achieve my goals. I talked it over with my girlfriend and she agreed that my plan had merit.
So I enlisted for four years, and went off to basic. After basic I purchased an engagement ring, which I presented to her upon my arrival. I was finally seeing my life take shape of what I envisioned it to become. We spent the following days together, talking at length about our marriage and the future to come.
I returned to my next assigned duty station and began the next phase of my training. I received a letter from my mother shortly thereafter, explaining that she had a visit from my fiancé and her mother. She informed me that my engagement ring had been returned. I was hurt, angry and confused. I also was stuck in the Marine Corp without the hope of trying to change her mind again. So begrudgingly I went forward with my commitment of enlistment. Once again because of my haste, I was in a situation without recourse.
It was during this time that I was introduced to pot by some of the other Marines I was stationed with. I suppose, I felt the need to fit in, so when they offered it, I accepted. It did seem to numb my emotions of anger and disappointment of my failed relationship. But it didn't help me fit in any better than without it, but I kept trying. I drank with other guys, I drank so much that I made myself sick. I continued this behavior until going to Vietnam. The only reason that my pot usage came to a halt in Vietnam was because of unavailability, not because I didn't want it. Vietnam was more than I had bargained for, I guess I didn't fully understand what war really meant or what it cost. After witnessing first hand the death & destruction of war, with no end in sight.
I started to pray that God would move everyone to safety, before the artillery round I was firing, hit the ground. I began to have an emotional conflict within myself about war, the logic of battle & our involvement. It was as though my heart cried out for an end of my participation.
Then due to a freak accident, I was injured, 48% of my body was burned. I was removed from battle after 11 months. The injury rendered me into a comma. During which, I experienced a spiritual awakening. I saw from within the darkness that contained me, came a bright illuminated hand shining before me, I instinctively reached for it. Then it was gone, the darkness returned for a short period, I awoke to the beginning of a new day.
|
|
