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But we stayed together.. Stacie Lynn was born April 18,1972. A healthy baby, which I hoped would bring us together again as a family. Unfortunately I was wrong, discontentment, unhappiness & sex seemed to be the main substance of our relationship. I started to drink more & returned to using drugs. Becoming a bigger jerk with each passing day. I would verbally assault & an often times was demeaning towards her. Our relationship descended upon my self-made destruction course. But instead of allowing the relationship to end, we instead began making compromises in the area of sexual behavior to include other partners & doing more drugs.
This lifestyle sounded good to my flesh, but deep within myself it went against the principles of marriage, that I held in my heart.
Three years into the relationship I was, $50,000.00 in debt, & we had 2 surviving children. My finances were stressed to the point that every penny I could earn, was already accounted for & spent, house payment, car payment, furniture payment, utilities, food & clothing. Then financial disaster hit, I got laid off from driving tractor-trailers & I couldn't find another job that paid as well. So I went on unemployment, the amount that was awarded from unemployment wasn't near enough to cover our expenses. Nor would accepting another job for less money per hour be a solution to this dilemma. Instead of looking for constructive ways to earn more money, I instead used more drugs & mixing it with alcohol. Attempting to numb myself from the reality of the collapse the world around me. Our car got repossessed, then collection agencies started calling endlessly & relentlessly demanding payment or else. The mortgage company served intent to foreclose on the house.
That's when the Donna exclaimed "That if we lose the house it's over!" I concluded, that if our relationship was based on that house, then the relationship was already over & told her so. She moved back to her mothers & filed for a divorced that same week. To avoid the foreclosure I demanded we sell the house, which netted us each five hundred dollars. By the fall of 1974 our marriage was over. With the money I got from the sale of the house, I got a hotel room. But the money was going quickly, mostly being spent on drugs. My situation progressively declined to the point where I would have to choose paying rent or buying more drugs.
I chose the drugs & soon found myself homeless. I decided I'd take what little money I had left and leave behind the bad memories.
So I went to the freeway & stuck out my thumb, said a quick prayer for safe passage. Two days later, I was in Denver. Upon my arrival, I managed to find a place for rent, with the money I had left. I then walked up to the corner gas station & applied for & got a job pumping gas.
My immediate needs were met, but now I had to experience being alone. It was uncomfortable & foreign, which I used those feelings as justification to increase my drug usage. Days went by in a blur, time was just more time. As if my life was a jail sentence without ending or a hope of release.
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